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Depending on your religious backgrounds and level of dedication to your faith, what you are willing to compromise can vary greatly. If you have children, deciding which holidays they celebrate may be very important to you or your spouse and your extended families. While each situation is different, the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists recommends the following guidelines to help ease the tension when it comes time to negotiate what to do for the holidays:
— Set ground rules to help negotiations run as smoothly as possible
— Remain respectful and nonjudgmental while examining your options
— Identify the main conflict — you should each be able to state your partner’s position accurately
— Brainstorm solutions first without evaluating their practicality
— Choose a solution that will satisfy you both
— Agree upon how you will support one another with regard to your partners and siblings
If you decide to take a multi-faith approach to your relationship and family, you may find that the holidays become more meaningful. You have the opportunity to celebrate multiple holidays and start new traditions without having to “choose.” However, if religion is the focal point of your life and you are unwilling to participate in another religion’s celebrations, here are some tips on how to approach the situation gently:
— Avoid the “my way or the highway” mentality — accept that your partner may have just as much conviction in his or her tradition
— Consider educating your children in both religions until they are old enough to determine which faith, if either, they want to follow
— If you must attend different services, try to balance it by spending more time together before and after the holidays
However you and your partner choose to celebrate the holidays, you may find the required compromises difficult to fully or graciously accept. nsider consulting a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who can help you both understand and integrate your options.
For more information about Marriage and Family Therapists, or to locate therapist in your area, please visit http://www.TherapistFinder.com.
About CAMFT
The California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, with 27 chapters throughout the state, is an independent professional organization, representing the interests of licensed marriage and family therapists. CAMFT provides TherapistFinder.com as a resource to the public looking for marriage and family therapists located in California. For more information about CAMFT, please call (858) 292-2638 or visit http://www.camft.org.
SOURCE California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists / PRNewswire
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Many solid and useful ideas on coming together in order to celebrate both religions.
Luckily, I’ve never had a hard time compromising with this issue
I wonder why the common threads through all December celebrations are constantly missed?
Since all December celebrations, regardless of the religion or spiritual path, are celebrating the return of light, meaning the days will be getting longer and the earth warmer, do you think it would be a good idea to focus on that common ground?
I am the product of an interfaith marriage. My best suggestion is that what happens with raising kids is that, before their birth, a firm understanding of how they will be brought up in their religion, and can’t be changed or amended later. If both parents find themselves believing in the same religion, then, of course, it can be amended.
There were some useful suggestions in that article. I think it is possible to share religious celebrations with your partner even if you don’t share the same faith.
These suggestions seem right on to me, but then again I’ve never had this type of problem. Good luck to those who do.
I really believe that if both people are willing to compromise and remain respectful of each other’s faiths, that getting through the Christmas seashon should not be a big problem.
There are many families where there’s more than one belief and everything works out well. As long as one of them doesn’t try to “change” the other, the season can be even more special than if they’d just celebrate one of the holidays.
I’m not big on religion, and Christmas is a pagan festival anyway
Seriously though, If such a thing became an issue, I would suggest booking a romantic cruise for 10 days over the Christmas period, and just sailing away from it all.
These differences need a lot of give and take and a respect for the other person’s right to celebrate their religious beliefs their way. I think the key word is compromise.
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