Subscribe Home
The absolute truth – Yes, You Do.
The noncommittal – You Look Great.
The absolute lie – No, You Don’t.
If you were the one asking the question, where do you fit in?
Tell me what I want to hear – No, You Don’t.
Praise Empowering – It’s Okay, You Still Look Great.
Tell me how it is – Yes, You Do.
Looking fat is a state of mind. It is a reverb of society’s opinion and glorification process and that is why we always need that constant reminder of the “right” answer from our peers as we manipulate the truth in order to still fit the mold of acceptable.
But by not telling the truth as it is, are we hurting each other? Avoidance of the truth can lead towards a downhill path that could spiral out of the control at any given moment in time. Acceptance of the problem is considered to be an important step before we can advance towards healing ourselves and ultimately losing weight.
If the reaction to the answer to the question elicits a whine, then tell them to do something about it.
Sponsored Links
Did You Subscribe Yet?
Subscribe by email or by RSS feed
with friends by email
on facebook, stumpleupon, myspace and digg
Bookmark The Diva Network on IE or Firefox
Make The Diva Network your default homepage
Thanks for dropping by!
Alright, I get first dibs on this one! It pays to subscribe to your RSS feed. ^_^
When my wife asks me “Do I look fat?” usually in reference to how she looks in some new clothes, my reaction is usually the same “no, you’re a tiny little thing.” Which she is so it’s not a lie. Now, when the question is directed specifically at her posterior… such as “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?” my answer is truthful “yes they do, and I think it’s super hot!”
She complains about the proportions of her butt. However, I let her know that even if she doesn’t like it, I like it enough for the both of us.
I was not raised this way, however. My mother trained me to compliment women and to NEVER make comments about their weight, age, or pregnancy status. If you do make a comment, YOU LIE! But I’ve found that if you tell the truth, but stress the fact that it’s still very attractive… and perhaps add a bit of humor onto it, it goes over much better.
Nathaniel’s last blog post..Fat Bottom Girls
I think most people rely shouldn’t ask a question they don’t want to hear the answer to.
I will tell someone, if they ask, but then make a few suggestions to balance their look. Maybe another color, maybe a certain sweater would make the look more appealing.
SageMother’s last blog post..Getting that ? Forever? Kind of Love
I think it’s not the answer that makes the difference, it’s the way it is said. If you know the truth will hurt then you need to deliver it in a smooth way, that’s much better than lying every time
Andy Bailey’s last blog post..What do you mean you couldn’t get hold of me!?
Delivery is important, along with timing!
Another way to approach the “does this make me look aft?” query is to tell the querent that their having to ask must mean they are in doubt about the fit, and they should try something they feel more secure with!
SageMother’s last blog post..Beauty Market Buzz: Herbs and Skincare: Where Should You Begin?
well, which one am i? well, i’ll be the honest one that tries to tell you nicely… but in reverse, i’d like if someone would tell me “yo, dawg, you look fat as hell… you should change…” lol
Jay
DatMoney.com
DatCurious.com
I think we have to have a balance between honesty and tact. Unless the person is an unhealthy weight, I don’t think we need to go in with steel-capped boots and kick them about it! Everyone has insecurities after all and it is human nature to seek reassurance about them…
I don’t really like any of those answers although I’d not ask the question to begin with. That “noncommittal” answer of “you look great” when I asked a specific question would just qualify as a “yes, you look fat but I’m too classy to say that” answer in my mind.
I don’t ask because I don’t think I really want the truth. I just look at something and if I feel it makes me look fat then I don’t wear it.
I don’t ask questions that I don’t want the answer to so if I ask someone if something makes my butt look big then I really want to know if it does. I’m also a very honest person (bluntly honest) and will tell the truth if somebody asks me. This has gotten me in trouble before but sheeeesh, ya know I’ll be honest so don’t ask me if you want to be fed a line of BS!
Jo’s last blog post..Mad Click Monday 11/19/07
I’d really appreciate the truth, which is why I ask in the first place. I’d like an honest answer based on more than just the cursory glance and usual response of “Fat! You’re not fat! , now, *that’s* fat!”. Given that “whomever” is obese, which I was not referring to, the response was not, is not ever, productive.
The truth hurts, but an objective rather than subjective opinion, is far more productive.
Samantha’s last blog post..Natalie Portman?s Panache
I am the worlds worst for being brutally honest BUT I expect nothing less back in return. I was an attorney for years and one thing I cannot stand is people who beat around the bush.
If something looks horrid on me, I do NOT want my friends to spare my feelings and let me go out looking silly and find out from some stranger that my clothing choice is all wrong. So, I give my friends my HONEST opinion.
I do try to be as tactful as possible by saying something like, “I really prefer the other outfit you had on” OR “I really don’t think that color expresses your beautiful eyes, figure, etc”
Dariana’s last blog post..An Angel Left Behind
Hmm I would like to hear that I still look great but if the person thinks that it’s not so maybe offer a better suggestion… something along the lines of..
“Honey you’re fine but I think you looked even hotter in the black one.”
That would suffice.
Bobo’s last blog post..If Bobo only knew
I would agree that maybe it is all in the way that you tell the person that something doesn’t look good on them. I would think that there would be a tactful way of going about it.
Nathaniel, your wife is such a small little thing, and you know how many women out there wants to have that *brazilian ass* thing happening.
She’s so lucky. To have you and the butt…..
SageMother, I’ve always believed that honesty is the best policy.
And when it comes to our body image, sometimes it’s that personal vanity in us that just wants to hear what we like to hear.
A dose of reality could be the first step in going the right direction.
You’re so right. Always offer an alternative.
Andy, sugar coating goes a long, long way…. especially in a relationship.
Guilty as charged. I’ve done the asking. And got really depressed at times if I didn’t like the answer. So my husband has learned to sugar coat…. along with evolving to being a *metrosexual*
SageMother, love that suggestion…..
Jay, you dig the *honesty is the best policy* routine?
Like SageMother, delivery is the key!
LOL.
Simone, it is human nature to always seek assurance that we are doing ok.
I wrote this post originally because growing up, I used to be the one asking the question all the time – before a date, a night out with the gang, or just even going to the movie.
I knew I looked okay, if not great, but still I need to ask.
Katharina, next time I rewrite this post, I’ll make sure to include an additional option.
Samantha, this is a question more often asked than people realize.
And I’d rather people be objective rather than subjective either. I would appreciate it if people told me that I didn’t line my eyebrows properly and it’s looking like Mrs. Munster so that I can go into the washroom and fix it.
Don’t you thin it’s the same concept?
Jo, exactly. I don’t like the BS either. If my ass looks big, let me know and I’ll change into somethng else that makes it look better.
Okay, so maybe I’ll feel peeved about it. But I’d rather know before I leave the house, than seeing it in some mirror while I’m out.
You think?
Dariana, I think it all comes down to that.
If you are honest to other people, you would expect honesty back from them.
Sure, being tactful plays a part in it, but I’d rather know. Then maybe I can do something about it.
Bobo, of course, that’s probably what your honey says to you all the time because it’s true
I remember you wrote that post about him having such high expectations. You are so lucky!
Leave a Reply