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Tip #1: Listen to his shop talk: Most of my female friends tell me that they just want their guy to listen more but that he is often tuning them out. If this happens to you, the problem just may be that you are tuning out his shop talk - you know, his talk about work, sports, or fixing his car. Try listening to and validating what he is saying. Your man wants nothing more than for you to respect his ideas. When you do, you can bet he will shower you with the attention you crave.
Tip #2: Make him feel he knows best: Yes, men are on average a bit prouder than women (sorry, guys). So, make him feel that he is smart, in control, and knows best - all of the time. Guess what? The minute he starts feeling that you genuinely respect his every thought is the minute he will actually give up control to you. He would love to unload some of that pride and be with a woman he can trust. Give him a reason to trust you and he will be yours.
Tip #3: Let him be right well over 50% of the time: Similar to #2, stop keeping a scorecard about who is right and who is wrong. Men are extremely competitive, so let your man be right - even when you know he is dead wrong. This is not fibbing, this is just good harmonizing. Following this strategy will endear him to like you will not believe. And, you will be surprised at how often he will actually come around to seeing things your way in the end.
Tip #4: Avoid reminding him you will be together forever: Okay, here is one to avoid. A number of my male friends have told me that a real romance mood killer is to tell your man, ‘[Bob], I just know we will be together forever.’ You may be saying this out of love or out of insecurity. No matter - statements like this make him want to run away screaming. Instead, always make your man feel that your love is now, in the moment. Keep it exciting. Keep it fresh, and he will keep coming around for more.
Tip #5: Be proud of every inch of your body: Come on, we all have them: those days when we don’t look our best. Or, we have a part of our body that we sort of wish looked better (or was just not there)! If you are like most women, on those days you actually put less effort into your appearance: you put on fewer accessories, you skip doing your hair, and you may even walk with a bit of a slouch. This is a no-no. A man finds nothing more attractive than a woman who is proud of how she looks and acts the part. There is beauty in imperfection (and we all have them - even supermodels feel they do). A woman who can pull off looking proud and confident even amidst imperfections will emanate a mystique that will drive her man wild.
About the Author Susan Willis - Is he STILL ogling at that leggy waitress instead of you? Have a look at this: http://www.He-Adores-Me.com
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It’s interesting. Men know they’re wrong but we just want to feel right sometimes.
#1 is a real biggie. Especially when I take time to look very interested when I’m bored out of my skull. indulge me on occasion.
The rest though, not so much.
jon’s last blog post..Chimeric Day Dreams
Well….
I am sure these tips work well for some ladies. I find them a bit depressing. How does equality fit into the mix?
SageMother, that’s a good point. I’d would love to poll men just to see where they think equality fits in.
Just like Jon said, it might not ALL apply to every man, but certain points do.
Imaginary Diva’s last blog post..Why He is Looking Right Past You - 5 Tips to Get His Love Back
Jon, just sometimes? My husband wants to know he is right ALL the time.
Imaginary Diva’s last blog post..Why He is Looking Right Past You - 5 Tips to Get His Love Back
I don’t know about this either. I can understand equal listening time. But it just seems like the woman is doing all the work just to try to keep her man interested. Forget that, if he requires that much maintenance then he needs a mechanic, not a wife.
Equality? No man can ever be a woman’s equal. Where’s the discussion?
jon’s last blog post..Chimeric Day Dreams
I don’t know, this list does not work for me. I agree that it is depressing, and definitely does not promote equality.
Jon, is this really you? Or is my husband masquarading as you on this comment??
Imaginary Diva’s last blog post..Why He is Looking Right Past You - 5 Tips to Get His Love Back
3Plus3, LOL! Men need regular maintainance period. You need to get them to the shop for a tune up, get the sparks plugs nice and squeaky clean, and once in awhile dress them up with a new coat of paint.
Imaginary Diva’s last blog post..Why He is Looking Right Past You - 5 Tips to Get His Love Back
Jewel, you’re right. These concepts are really outlandish …. to a point that modern women don’t adopt them.
However, it sounds like my mother wrote this one.
Imaginary Diva’s last blog post..Why He is Looking Right Past You - 5 Tips to Get His Love Back
I agree with what you are all saying but I will say that I do agree with #1. I hate when I am talking and my husband is not paying attention. I just think it is respectful to me to at least make an attempt to act like you care when I am talking.
The first tip is a good one, because I believe that one should listen to their significant other and what they have to say. As for the other tips, I just feel that if the problem in a relationship can is due to one of these problems, there are probably underlying issues.
Tip #1 works fine with my matriarchal household because he listens to my shoptalk as well. We reconnect at the end of each day with the “what happened to you today?” conversation. Not me hanging on to his every word about his day and him then turning a deaf ear to what I have to say.
Jewel, as I told my husband before we got married, I compensate for what I believe is his shortcomings and he surprised me by saying the same thing.
I guess, these pointers are good when the other party in the relationship stops compensating to make a relationship work.
Tater03, sounds like you are describing my husband. Except, that he surprises me from time to time when he makes references to the conversation similar to what you described.
SageMother, you must hear this from your friends all the time…. but your husband sounds so ideal.
Listening to each other is so so SO important! It’s such a basic thing that so many couples seem to forget.
Well on Myspace they are running a constant ad aimed at young women on how to keep him attracted. Here is another list with an updated play dumb and look great all the time list that was so popular in the 50’s.
What about women? Where is the list to keep women interested? Here’s a news flash: I am well educated, own my own home and am financially secure. The only NEED I have for a man is sex. If I have to work as hard as the above list describes then I’d prefer a toy to the real thing. Far less stress and no dirty underwear to wash.
Hey Sharon! I’m afraid I can only selectively accomodate #1 re: “shop
talk”. I can’t (won’t) feign interest where none exists. Men have long expected me to provide an outlet for their car talk and frankly, I couldn’t be less interested. Similarly, I don’t expect them to be enthused about typical girly things! Men tend to process in a vastly different way than women, and their sense of selective hearing is acute!
LOL! All these comments crack me up Sharon. Men don’t need maintenance, we just need to be fed and all our clothes washed while we sit on the couch all day along and watch football! Is that asking too much … LOL! Just kidding people
Nick Phillips’s last blog post..Barbecue Nite …
Diva,
Before we married he knew that this would be a matriarchal household and he was able to embrace the concept. A lot of that is something that was developed in his childhood with parents who had not been socialized into strict gender roles. Since we are both in our 50’s, you can tell that his parents were very forward thinking.
Shop talk. I do listen to that. At least I do my best. We all have to let off steam sometimes. I love knowing that it’s me he wants to share his day with, whilst his buddies are hanging out at a bar talking to everybody but their wives. It means that I’ve gotten to share his successes also. I know how much it means to him to make me proud. I feel the same way when he gets excited about my triumphs.
#5 - Ugh! The hardest thing to do. But after a while you realize that no matter how un-sexy you’re feeling you can still turn him on like a light switch just by swishing your skirt at him.
*Note to self: Call your mom and thank her for making you a girl.
The rest of it, yeah. I’d have to say that after almost 20 years it has been pretty much a give and take, give to get, sort of life. It was much more difficult in the beginning; like having two quarterbacks on the same team. We had the same goals, but different approaches. I’m a worrier myself, so when I get worried I start trying to control things–and not even important things. Little things. Stupid things. When I started to finally relinquish control a bit things got better. I just had to learn that there are some things that he’s better at handling than I am– no matter what my mother says.
After a while it starts to flow rather naturally. I guess it’s just a matter of realizing where each of our strengths are, and being able to step back and relinquish control while still being supportive. Like when there’s a bar fight. He always warns them ‘My wife is gonna kick your ass’, and then, if they don’t listen, he moves out of the way. And I guess the most valuable lesson I’ve learned over the years- and I didn’t learn it from my parents (sheesh)- is to turn on the music, roll down the window and enjoy the view when he’s driving. Our vacations are much nicer now that I’ve learned to shut up and let him drive.
I think that of everything you’ve listed here this struck home the most…
stop keeping a scorecard about who is right and who is wrong
I can’t think of one thing to add to that. It’s perfect.
But I think also that a man wants a woman who is strong. And vice versa. Who won’t take crap and will tell him when he’s wrong.
Samuel Butler wrote:
She was too kind, wooed too persistently,
Wrote moving letters to me day by day;
The more she wrote, the more unmoved was I.
Passion can be quite fiery at times and I think we all enjoy a challenge. I don’t think anyone wants to hear ‘I want whatever you want’ all the time. I guess the real challenge is not in finding the perfect person, but in finding the person who is perfect for you.
Just for the record I must admit…
I kissed an awful lot of frogs along the way
Nice addition Tricia.
jon’s last blog post..Chimeric Day Dreams
I can help but think that the kind of men that article is aimed to teach us to please are the very men I want nothing to do with. They are self-centered and unintelligent. I shouldn’t have to change who I am. A man shouldn’t have to change who he is.
Accer, LOL! Now that I’ve had a chance to read this article again. I know it’s aimed towards women who want to keep their men from straying or leaving.
Well, my question is, if your man is misbehaving, why do you keep him? Just walk away.
SHE can have him.
Samantha, I’ve never been big on shop talk either. It’s just a great thing that my husband doesn’t spout car engines, but he still goes way over my head with his talk of stocks and finance stuff. That’s really when my eyes glaze over …..
Nick, don’t you even go there.
You know you are one of the few men that I admire. You cook, you clean, and you even do the laundry to help your wife out. So, I doubt that she needs to *maintain* you.
Though, she actually might have a different story….
Hi Tricia! I hope you didn’t miss it when we featured your blog’s feed on our site. Next time you drop by, can you use http://www.woodnotwood.blogspot.com/ so that CommentLuv will parse your latest site postings. I figured that out last time when my feature feed was trying to list your latest post…..
That’s true, every relationship needs to find a common ground. And a man out there is not going to be turned on by a woman who is a push over either. For me, a relationship is about compensating for each other.
Love the talk about *thanking your mom for making you a girl*. I think there is just so much power in that.
Hope your daughter is feeling much, much better. I am really sorry to hear about her loss.
Ninikins, like my mother would say,
If more couples listened to each other more, there would be much fewer divorces today.
I wonder if she’s right?
Accer, you hit it right on spot.
When we get into a relationship with a man, of course, there will be a time where we have to work on *being one* and sometimes it is very hard because in our own little way we could be stubborn about even simple things. However, there’s a point where you just have to stand back, stew and say YOU ARE NOT WORTH ALL THIS TROUBLE.
lol so this is why girls let me talk a lot? i still can’t believe… well, i read this for a reason. now i KNOW what they’re thinking. ha! lol
LOL, Jay! Now, you know…..
Thanks for dropping by! Love your blog!
Hey, how come your blog’s feed is not parsing?
I have no idea, let me know if you need the actual feed link… but I gotta go through your blog a little more, there’s some interesting things I should know! LOL
Hey Jay. I think I know why it’s not reading your feed. You have to use your full url including http://www…. It looks like on your profile that you just have http://datcurious.com.
Try using it and see if the RSS feed gets picked up.
Oh, I think you have more interesting things on your blog. The riding positions article is such a hoot!
All very good advice. My being a man might make me a little biased but I can see how these could definitely help.
However, I believe my wife to be the most gorgeous woman I know and love her more than anything else in this world. She doesn’t have to do ANYTHING to keep me interested. Granted, I’m only 22 and we’ve been married for just over a year… so I’ve got plenty of time before I start to completely neglect her.
here’s my thoughts on the suggestions:
#1, I wish she where interested in computer, encryptions, web programming, or fighting robots. I listen to her when she talks about wrestling (yep, she likes wrestling… and I don’t much care for it… go figure).
#2&3, I don’t need to be right all the time but I sure would like to be wrong less often. Personally, I figured out “yes dear” in only a couple of days in the relationship. She’s a rather stubborn one.
#4, I don’t have any commitment issues so our being together forever does not scare me in the least. In fact, I created a little piece of photo-manipulation of last year’s Halloween costumes to illustrate the concept.
#5, I really wish my wife (and all women) would stop whining about their imperfections and just own them. My wife is gorgeous but she doesn’t feel that way. I’ve been spending the last… 3+ years trying to get her to see herself how I see her. It’s a slow and uphill battle. But the times when she does feel confident (when she gets a new hair cut or some nice new clothes) she’s on fire! Nothing more attractive than a woman who knows what she’s got and is proud to have it.
Nathaniel’s last blog post..WELCOME!
Nathaniel, you are so sweet! You are giving Nick Phillips a run for his money on that department.
#1 You probably are the only guy I know who’s not into wrestling. I guess Saturday night at your house must have you on your computer, and her cheering her favourite wrestler….
#2 *Yes Dear* definitely works bettern than *No Dear* and not paying attention. You’ve got your work cut our for you.
#3 Men with no commitment issues are hard to fine. She is one lucky woman! *but of course, you already know that*.
#4 Yes, we should just own all of our imperfections and live with what’s been given to us. Now, only if I can click my heels three times and remember this at all times
It is time to inject some human oriented expectations, instead of those based on never ending romance.
Once we have been in relationships for a while, our brain chemistry adjusts. Most people mistake this for falling out of love or losing interest.
Instead of going through the insanity of “keeping someone interested”, lets accept that we all become that comfortable companion that doesn’t need to be stimulated at every moment.
While some of these things may be reasonable, I’m having a real problem with #2. Where’s the honesty in a relationship where one of them is letting the other think they’re right or letting them think they know best even if it’s not best?
Doesn’t sound like an honest relationship to me. I’d so hate to have to manipulate life just to have someone want to stay with me.
I’m sorry, I missed the part where there was the request for unending stimuli.
Just when I thought I was out…
LOL, Jon…. You are right….. Just when we thought we would never ever hear form you, we get something almost conterversial.
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